I was living in Bulgaria and teaching English, and it had been nine months since I had gotten my haircut. I didn't speak the language well enough to nuance how I wanted to layer or what vibe I wanted to. I was just putting it off putting it off, and it got really long, really, really long, the longest I've ever had it, and I decided it was time for something drastic--I wanted a pixie cut. I thought about it for years. I wanted to go with a completely different look and feel it was time for a pixie cut. So I asked around, as you do — who gets the haircut, what's going on, where's the place to be.

Went to a salon, sat down on the chair, and I told the two women, “All right, I'm ready for a big change. I want a pixie cut.” Showed them some pictures. And they looked at each other, and they looked at me and they looked back at each other and kind of shifted their weight a little bit.

And she said, “Are you sure? Have you asked your boyfriend. You know men like women with long hair right? Let’s give you a bob instead. Let's not do the pixie cut, let's give you a bob, and then we'll go shorter and then maybe you can see if you like it.”

I knew in that moment that I didn't want them touching my hair. No, don't touch it. So I acted like I'd gotten scared, and I was like no, no, okay, I'm too nervous. I'm not going to do this. So I left the salon and decided to go find somewhere else, someone who might see me might give me a shot.

Can you give me a really dramatic haircut. So I visited several other salons over the next couple of weeks, both in my city and in a nearby city, same conversation: “Are you sure? Have you asked your boyfriend? Men like women with long hair? Let's give you a bob instead.”

I was frustrated at this point in starting to get stubborn, I'm a Taurus. It comes naturally when I tell a friend about it. I was like, What, no one will cut my hair and he said, “I know the place. She's been trimming my beard for years. I will take you just come, I'll set the whole thing up.”

So he came as my translator and we walk into this tiny salon with one chair, and it really seemed like it was actually the entrance to someone's living quarters. It wasn't a big fancy place, it was a chair in what felt a little bit like a living room. I sat down, and the woman started talking to my friend Kal and she says, “I don't understand. You said that no one would cut her hair. What's wrong with her hair? She seems to have very normal hair--what's the issue?”

So we explained the whole story how no one wanted to give me a pixie cut. She threw up her hands, just like, like she really was confused she didn't understand what was happening. And she said:

If you want to change your life, it is my job to help you.

And I said, “You can do whatever you want to my hair. Whatever.”

She put it in a braid and cut it off. Then proceeded to give me the chicest look I'd ever rocked.

When I left that tiny one-chair salon and was walking back to my apartment, I kept looking at myself in the windows of buildings as I passed.

I think about her all the time. I think I've never really recovered from that haircut like it changed a lot for me. She did three things when she cut my hair.

She told me she saw me. She said out loud what I was actually after she saw what was happening, and said oh no I see you. This is about confirming a change that's already been taking place inside you. Let’s make it happen. Let's make it visible. I see it.
She also let me see her. I saw her as someone who could cut my hair, and do it in the way that I need it, the way that I was looking for, she gave herself a gift.
She took her work, and made it into something specific, made it into something real. I didn’t know haircuts could be a spiritual experience.

She named what was happening. She named what her work was about. She’d put in the work to get there. And then she made it real by saying it out loud.

Being Seen and All It Changes